I’m content with saying that this year can go jump off a freaking bridge.
Divorced. Fat. Nearly homeless. Broke.
Heading into 2012…
Single. Thin, trim, and rocking it. Warm with a shelter over my head. Possible promotion in February.
I’m not sure if this is where I’m supposed to write about some sort of New Year’s Resolution, but I know all I’ve got to say is this:
Phase II: Flexibility and Strength What is this: Phase II of the program is to ensure that the potential, future athlete will be flexible, nimble, and to increase strength within all areas of the body; primarily the core. Why this is important: Core strength is vital to the endurance of any runner of any distance. Flexibility is key for the future development, and prevention of injuries to the individual. Time Allowed: The year of 2012 Goal: 4:40 minute 1600 by the end of June 2012
Sleep begins to overtake me,
Eyelids growing weak.
Few moments of far reflections
Rush for one to see.
Through the night’s temptations
Of quiet slumber’s eve.
I merely wish of two things for you.
Good morning beautiful,
Welcome to God’s greatest gift.
Breath in His love,
May your soul seemingly lift.
As you dive into presents,
Shiny, exciting, and new.
Hundreds of miles away,
I’m thanking God for you.
May your Christmas be blessed;
Friends and family near.
My only wish this new day;
To grow our friendship stronger,
With every passing year.
I’m at the end of the month of December [sort of]. I’m running out of stores, and the weather is rather nice. I haven’t ran or done much of anything for the past several days.
There was some thought to this.
I ran through last winter. I ran through last spring. I ran through last summer. I ran through last fall.
I play soccer every weekend. I drove hundreds to thousands of miles a week. Point being, my body needs a slight rest. 2011 has been a stressful year, and it has taken a toll on my body. These next two weeks [saying I behave during Christmas] I’m going to be taking it light. When January hits, I’m NOT going to hit it hard. I’m going to start with flexibility and abdominal goals. February we’re going to bump it up a notch, and by March we’re going to be going crazy.
However, there is one major item that is required to keep in check for this ‘recover’ to take place.
Not the literal diet plans, just watching what I eat. I’ve noted over the past two or three weeks my intake has increased, and some of the food I’ve ingested has been ‘questionable’ at best. The good news is that I’m getting three meals a day in, the bad news is that some of those meals aren’t that great. Tonight’s spinach+cranberries+banana salad reminded me of what health was, so I need to adjust my eating plan a bit to where I’m not consuming so much on the road. Additionally [and this is the really hard one], I’ve got to work on consuming more water. I hate water with a passion, absolutely despise the demonic tonic, but it is a requirement. Hopefully the Brita Water Bottle I asked for Christmas will be arriving [along with a tea tumbler].
If the diet concept can hold, we’ll be good to go. This does involve trimming back the pop [soda] intake as well. Having my French Press back is going to help with that, but I’ve got to stay on the ball with it.
Going to need some new pants coming up, and don’t you worry…with a wedding approaching in the end of January.
New milestone at FilingThePapers.com! 6,000 views as of today [site was started in July]. Amazing how quickly the blossoming of a horrific divorce can rattle my own world, and hopefully through these quick fingers; the world of others.
I’ve lost my weight. I’m at my ideal weight. I’m eating better [not perfect]. I’ve got this stupidly, wonderful job. I’m traveling to New England in January [I don’t get out much]. I’m seeing my best friend in March [you don’t understand the magnitude of that]. I’m making more money then I’m spending.
I even have money for a haircut [a rarity just a year ago].
My mile times are getting destroyed. The clothes fit looser. The treadmill starts on speed 10.0.
It’s all rubbish.
I’m so grateful for all the garbage that has been overcome, the goals that have been shattered, and the miles that have been ran.
I feel ugly.
Not so much in the sense of being fat, or needing to loose more weight; just tha constant battle of feeling unwanted. Unfortunately, like a bad breakup, a divorce leaves you with some nasty, unseen scars. Personally, I think I handled the brunt of all that garbage rather smoothly, but there is still something to be said about feeling like you’re not good enough.
Ladies; help me out here. Let’s be honest, I don’t sleep around [even if I wanted to, I couldn’t…], that’s not who I am, nor who I will ever be. I get attached way too easily. Now tell me this, is it true that you enjoy being called ‘beautiful’? The reason I ask, is that when I’ve said that [and meant it], it was met with silence…bitter, awkward silence.
So, please clarify this.
Do you want to hear that you’re beautiful?
Do you want the attractive man you dream about to call you beautiful?
I must admit that I’m just rather irriated with the notion of wearing my emotions on my sleeve [that’s just my chemical ID], being the hopeless [and clueless] romantic, and being used and tossed aside [yes, it does go both ways].
I live in a town where I’m the only twenty something year old. The same can be said for the church I attend [don’t hate]. Not to mention I’m the youngest employee by a balmy…14 years. I’m just in that awkward stage.
I don’t do bars. I don’t do clubs. No condemnation over here, just not what I grew up with. Someday’s I feel very isolated.
And then when someone just tosses me to the side after they’re “done with me”. It kind of makes the night a little longer.
Yes, this is merely an entry of me just whining. A twenty four year old male, a college graduate, and a divorce dude. Just whining because I see the couples cuddle in the coffee shop and merely wonder…simply…
I’m convinced that young woman have an complex; they don’t know how to handle compliments. I’m completely convinced. Just thinking out loud, so many have settled for less, settling for comfortable at the moment because it seems safe; but frequently ends in heart break. Then, when the right man comes along (and they do exist) and just want to pour it out, flood her with unconditional love, the true love. She’s terrified, hesitant of even taking the risk. All he can do is wait, patiently for her heart to heal.
Just something I got stuck on somewhere between US 69 and K-47.
I have this image in my mind,
Moments of which I’m hesitant to write.
Lust fulfilled, good deeds untold.
Just you and I, souls already sold.
Deep breaths of underwater joy,
Lay disregarded to these dictating thrust.
Hair mangled, hearts begin to trust.
Lying on a bed, feet wrapped in linen’s all around.
Your head on my heart,
Beating pulse, the only sound.
Not until morning do the sinful bruises show,
Scratches along the back,
Feathers erupted from the pillows.
Slowly together, clothes are put on once more.
A final, sensual kiss,
Prior to walking out the door.
Tends to be the common theme of 2011. Run. Almost the theme of my life. I’m a runner, not just in the physical form of running, but I run from problems, issues, conflict, everything…I constantly try to escape. As December slowly starts to wind down; Christmas, New Year’s Eve, eventually 2012 is will be upon us. Sure, later, like many other blogger freaks I’ll have my thought on the new year, but frankly…2011 has been hell.
I’ve seen, witnessed, experienced, felt some of the worst things that humans can make up. It’s disturbing. It’s sad. However, Between January and December and all the insanity between the two; 49 pounds is gone. Several pants have been disposed of. A new belt was purchased last month. Self-esteem has risen [quite the feat. for a ginger]. The times have gotten lower, and my courage has gotten higher [except when around attractive women].
I’ve been told I can’t preach because I’m divorced, I’ve been called a manipulative monster that should question my own soul, I’ve been force fed lies, deceptions, and hypocritical garbage.
Let’s take it to the road. Let’s take it to the track. I’ve been removed from some bitter people for the past six to seven months; let me get this out to you: You. Did. Not. Win. That ex-wife. That screwed up preacher. That jacked up music minister. You. Did. Not. Win.
The new haircut, clothes, and outlook on life determines me victorious and I’m going to take that ‘W’ to the grave, but first…1 more pound to finish Phase I.
The Phases: Phase I: Weight Loss/Food Control-Get rid of it! Drop the pounds to the ideal BMI inducing 225 pounds. Control what goes in the mouth, not how much; the quality of the product. Goal-225 by December 31st, 2011. Phase II: Sculpting and flexibility. Become more flexible and tone [NOT ripped]. Goal-4:40 mile by June of 2012. Phase III: Speed. Straight speed. Aim to be able to continue to cut down the 1600 meter as low as you can go, and then lower. Keep weight off. Food in. Continue to increase water usage. Goal-4:00 1600 meter by the end of 2013. Phase IV: Technique/Speed. Incorporating raw energy and speed, into striking technique and running style. Place emphasis on completing the times on a literal track instead of straight runs. Goal-Sub 4:00 by the end of 2014. Phase V: Qualify. US National Olympic Qualifier. Enter the race in Chicago [or wherever] and qualify for the US Men’s Olympic Track/Field Team in the 1500 meter “run”. Goal-Qualify with a time below 3:38 for the US Men’s National Track/Field Team in 2015. Phase VI: Race. Run the 1500 meter in the 2016 Summer Olympic Games in Brazil. Goal-
“Do you not know that in a race all the runners run, but only one gets the prize? Run in such a way as to get the prize.”
There you go. Here’s the hopeful completion of Phase I!
…lost 7-1 (indoor), a teammate showed up drunk, and the team told a very gifted 17 year old boy to stop “shooting it so hard”.
It. Is. Soccer.
Regardless, I’m exhausted and unbelievably sore already.
Rest day tomorrow.
You know that mental scale? Yes, that one in your head when you poke your stomach and think, “The lattes are catching up, I haven’t been running very often.”
Yeah, that scale freaking blew a gasket today.
All day I just felt heavy. Didn’t look at great in my own eyes [need new contacts anyways], and while I love running and the cold isn’t that bad; this freaking wind is going to eat me alive.
So, when I got home [no coffee, or anything, just horrifically brewed tea], I ate a small lunch, threw in an apple and headed to bed for a 90 minute REM nap. Woke up, worked on the “99” workout [this darkness garbage is killing me as well], and finished up feeling…meh…
Ashamed and defeated I walked over to my digit scale and took a step up on the bad boy.
230 at 6:00PM after a day of eating [yes, I did actually eat], with my clothes on [TMI I’m sure], and not running hard most of the week [I do have a crazy soccer game tomorrow night at midnight].
What does that mean?
Think if I stood on that thing at 5:30 this morning when I got up.
I’m still losing weight.
We’re so close to 225.
That ‘plateau’ we were aiming for during the winter months has almost hit perfection. I know many don’t aim for a ‘plateau’, but I do believe December and January are two things for me:
The most God-awful months of weather in Northwest Missouri; like…deadly cold
A good two month ‘breather’, because we all know that when February and ESPECIALLY March hit…oh snap…it be straight up on fool! We be bust’n PR’s like fat chicks sit’n on tree branches [yes I just said that].
Additionally, I did work on some of the abdominal workouts today; I suck horribly with leg lifts, but got an awesome stretch to work on lower back pain associated with it. My abs are swollen and I feel like crap.
It’s December and it turns out, unlike what I forgot; it gets ungodly cold up here in December.
In the previous weeks I’ve ran a competitive 5k [worse time ever], ran a few miles, and really have just been swamped with work.
However, unlike my biggest fear; the weight isn’t piling up.
As we continue to aim towards the magic 225 number; we’ve got to keep in mind that during these winter months, I’m going to run; I’m going to stay ‘active’, but don’t expect a crazy amount of burn or hard workouts; simply because of this:
I have no gym. It’s crazy cold outside.
As you can see from the photo below, thanks to some crazy blessings and Black Friday, I did finally invest in some Cold Gear from UnderArmour. For years I was hesitant to invest in ‘the name’. However, after running for the 1st time in them.
Oh my gosh. I need more.
Granted, it should be noted that UnderArmour does not protect you from wind chills. Yesterday it dropped to 11 degrees while I was running, and I still nearly froze.
I’m still learning.
There are a few adjustments coming up in the near future for myself.
Water: I suck horribly at drinking water. Unlike all the other runners in the world, I hate drinking water with a bitter passion. Thankfully, there is a chance that a Brita Filter Water Bottle will be arriving come Christmas Day. I’m hoping this will limit my excuses to not drink the clear stuff.
Soccer: Unlike I posted in previous posts, I did start a second season of indoor soccer. For the most part I’m doing well; we’re pretty spaced out on games, so that will help. Frankly the other thing is; I’m good, like surprisingly good for my team. Naturally, I’ve got to stick with the game.
Shoes: My running shoes have met their final miles. I’m going to run them out for the month of December. In January I’m heading to Maryland for a wedding [I’m a dedicated friend]. While I’m up in the northern tundra; I’m going to be stopping by a sports science facility ran by a soccer nut that I met via some of my soccer articles. She’s going to take a look at my feet and give me some pointers on keeping them from cramping up so severely and other tips. Because of this I’m going to push back purchasing new shoes to run in until January.
Core: I have decided to go ahead and instigate my next phase of physical revolution, by beginning Phase II of my plan; the core. The concept of Phase I was to lose enough fat to make the development of the core worthwhile. Now that, that number is done; I’ll start in on this next phase.
Clothes: Favorite part right here; slowly I’ve started to get a new wardrobe, slowly. I’ve almost got all my new business clothes set; and I think my parents are coming through for Christmas as well [sweats, running shorts, etc…].
Yogurt: I desperately need to get my yogurt back.
I think that’s all I’ve got at the moment. I’m behaving with the holiday’s for the most part. I did enter one eating contest last Saturday and nearly died. Thankfully I got to this point where I was, “full”, and that was it; I just stopped. It’s nice to no longer be known as the guy who just ‘puts food away’. I have limitations also.
This may sound a little vain, but honestly, I like waking up in random hotels [work], walking into the full body mirror, resting my palms on the sink; looking into the mirror and going, “Wow. We’ve come far. Plenty more to go, but honestly, I look good.”